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Tuning: E A D G B E
[Intro] e|------------777---777---7-10----------7----| B|------------------------------8--10--------| G|-------------------------------------------| D|-------------------------------------------| A|-------------------------------------------| E|-------------------------------------------| E|-7-8-8-8---8-8-8-7-7---7-7-10-10-8--------------| B|-----------------------------------10-8---------| G|------------------------------------------------| D|------------------------------------------------| A|------------------------------------------------| E|------------------------------------------------| [Verse 1]
GThere ain't nothing more Cdepressing tDhan a pine tree,G GGussied up with Ccandy cDanes and Gballs, Gthose carolers Ckept me Dup for Ghours, walk down to the G Git's Amerry christmas seeping through my Dwalls. G GNow im not wiccan Ccommie Dnut or nothing,G Gbut theres one damn Choliday DI can't Gstand, Git ain't holloween, CthanksgivinDg, or Geven F#april Emfools, but it will Csurely make a Dfool out of Gevery man. HAH!
[Chorus]
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Cchristmas, Cyou know where to stick them jinglGe bellsC, D GIf i ain't hammered it ain't Dhanukkah, and all you motherfuckers go to Ghell, C D Gif i ain't cock-eyed it ain't Ckwanzaa, joy to the world, jack and Gcokes,G D Gif i ain't hammered it ain't Dchristmas. Ccause i ain't anything but broke.
[rift in between chorus and verse] e|---7-7-7---7-7-7---10-10-8----------15-----------------| B|-----------------------------10-8----------------------| G|-------------------------------------------------------| D|-------------------------------------------------------| A|-------------------------------------------------------| E|-------------------------------------------------------| [Verse 2] electric guitar palm muted
Gnow every year the Cmalls are Djust a Gmadhouse, Gfull of empty Cpockets Dthoughts and Gsmiles, Cjust the smell of eggnog makes me Bvomit and those Acoloured lights are fucking Dinfantile,C B Gi think we CcollectivelDy as a Gpeople Walk up to EM Gshould rise against thing corporate EMjolly Cnoise, and tell the world, lets Bbuy some peice and Gquiet for a Emchange Cbefore we spend it Dall on fucking Gtoys. HAH!
[Chorus]

N.C.

so if i ain't drunk then it ain't Cchristmas you know where to stick those jingle Gbells,C D Gif i ain't hammered it and Dhanukkah, CFa la la la la go fuck yourself!G C D Gif i ain't cock-eyed it ain't Ckwanzaa, joy to the world of getting Gstoned,C D Gif i ain't drunk then it ain't Dchristmas, C [STRUM ONCE] so leave this goddamm scrooge the fuck alone. HAH!
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS! [0utro] e|--7-7-7---7-7-7---10-10-8-------------------------| B|--------------------------10-8~-------------------| G|--------------------------------------------------| D|--------------------------------------------------| A|--------------------------------------------------| E|--------------------------------------------------|