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Band: Weird Al Yankovic Song: Albuquerque Chords: F 133211 B 113331 Fm7 131111 Bm7 113121 E-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-8h10p8-|-------------| B-------------|-------------|-------------|--10---------| G-------------|-------------|-------------|-----10------| D-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------| A-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------| E-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------|
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in aF bFox under the stairs in the corner of the basement of thFe Fhouse half a block down the street from Jerrys Bait ShoFp FYou know the place Well anyway, back then life was FgoFing swell and everything was juuuuusFt Fpeachy except of course for the undeniablFe Ffact that every single morning myF mFother would make me a big old bowl of sauerkraut forF bFreakfast. Daaaaaaaouh! BFig Fbowl of sFauerkFraut! E-13------------| B---13p10-------| G--------10-----| F F F F F D---------------| Every single morning! It was driving me crazy. I said to A---------------| E---------------|
my mom, I said, Hey mom, whats up with all the sauerFkrFaut? And my dear sweet mother she justF lFooked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming traiFn.F And she leaned right down next to me, and she said, Its gooFd fFor FyouF! B B B B And then she tFied me toF the wall Fand stuFck a fBunnel iBn my moutBh and fBorce-fed Fme nFothFing Fbut saBuerkrauBt until IB was twentBy-six and Fa hFalf years old. Thats when I swore that sFomFeday, someday I would get out of that basement and tFraFvel to a magical far away place where the Fsun is always shining and the aBir smells like warm root beerF and the towels are oh so fluffyB, where the sFhriners and the lepers play their uBkuleles all day long and aFnyone on the streetll gladly shBave youre back for a nFickel. WBakaBwakadBooBdoo Fyah! Well let me tell you people, that it wasnt long at all before myF dFream came true because the very next dayF aF local radio station had this contest to see who could FcoFrrectly guess the number of molecules in LeonarFd FNeroys butt. I was off by three but I still FwoFn the grand prize. Thats right aF fFirst class one-way ticket, to FA Fm7 BBm7>-F lbuqBueFrqFueFm7, BA Bm7 F>- B lbuquerque! Ah yah, you know I never been on a real airplane before and IF gFotta tell ya it was really great. FExFcept that I had to ist between two large AlbaniaFn Fwomen with excruciatingly severe body odour and theF lFittle kid in back of me kept throwing up the whole timeF. FThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanutFs Fand the in flight movie was "Biodome" with Polly ShoFreF. And oh yah three of the airplane's engines burned down and we Fwent into a tailspin and Bcrashed into a hillside and the plFane exploded in a giant fBireball and evFerybody died! Except for me. You know why? Cause I haFd my train table upB, and my Fseat back in the full uprBight position, had my tFrain table upB, and my sFeat back in the full uprigBht position, had my tFrain table up,B and my sFeat back in the full upriBght position. Ah ha ha ha! Oh ha ha! Ahhhh. So IF cFrawled from the twisted burnin wreckage, I F F crawled on my hands and knees for three full dayFs,F dragging along my big lFeather suitcase, and my gaBrment bag, and my tFenor saxophone, and my tBwelve-pound bowling ball and my lFucky lucky autographed gBlow in the dark snorkelF. But finally a arrived at the world famous ABlbuBquerque HBolidBay IFnn, where the towels are oh so fluffy, and you coulFd Feat youre soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanFnaF, its OK their clean. Well I cFhecked into my room and I turned dBown the AC and I turned on the speFctro visionB and I was just about to eat that little cFhocolate mint on my pillow that I lBove so very very much when sudFdenly theres a knock on the door.
FWell now who could that be? I say, who iFs Fit? No answer. Who is FitF? Theres no answer. Who is it!? Theyre not saying anything, so finallFy I go over and I open the door and jFust as I suspected, its some big fat hermFaphrodite with a flock of seagulls haircut and onlFy Fone nostril. Oh man I haFteF it when Im right. So anyway he buFrst into my room and graBbbes
my lucky snorkel and Im like hey, you cant have that! That snorkel has
beFen just like a snorkel to me. And hes like tough FAnFd Im like give it. And hes like mFakFe me. And Im like k. So I grabbed Fhis leg and F he grBabbed my oesoBphagus and I Fbit off his eFar and he cheBwed off my eyBebrows and I took out his appendix and he gFave me a vaFlonic irrigation yes indeed you better believe it. And FsoFmehow in the middle of it all the phone got knocked off the hoFokF, and twenty seconds later I hearFd Fa familiar voice, and you know what it sFaiFd, Ill tell you what it said, it said, if youd likFe to makFe a caBll, pleBase hanBg upF and tryF agaiBn. IfB youF need hFelp hang Bup and thBen dial youre oFperBator. If youd likFe to makFe a cBall, plBease hBang Fup and tFry agBain. If yFou need hFelp hang Bup and thBen dial youre oFperaBtor. In AF Fm7 <Bi>Bm7 - F lbuquBerFquFe,Fm7 AB Bm7 F- lbuquerque! Well to Fcut a long story short he got away with my snorkeFl.F But I made a solemn vow right theFn Fand there that I would rest, I would not sleep for an insFtaFnt until the one-nostriled man was brought to justicFe.F But first I decided to buy some donuts. So I gFot in my Fcar and drove oBver to the dBonut shop and I waFlked right up to the guy behind the cBounter and he says yFah,
wadaya want? E-13--------11--------------11131618------------------1113-| B-------------1311--------13--------1816----------1113-----| G-----------------1311------------------171513--13---------| D---------------------1310--------------------15-----------| A----------------------------------------------------------| E----------------------------------------------------------|
I said, you FgoFt any glazed donuts? He said, naaFa Fwere all out of glazed donuts. I said, FweFll you got any jelly donuts? He sFaiFd, naaa were all out of jelly donuts. I said,F yFou got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts? He FsaFid, naaa were all out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts. FI F
said, you got any cinnamon rolls? He said,F nFaaa were all out of cinnamon rolls. I saiFd,F you got any apple fritters!? He said, nFaaFa were out of apple fritters. I said,F yFou got any bear claws!!? He said,
wait a minute, Ill go check. E------------------------------------------------16-16-18-16-18-18b-| B-18v----------------------------------------19-19-18---------------| G------------------------------19-19-21-19-21-21--------------------| D-----15v---------19-19-21-19-21-21---------------------------------| A---------19h20h21--21----------------------------------------------| E-------------------------------------------------------------------| E-18-16-16-------------------| B--------18-16-16------------| G-------------18-18-15-15----| D---------------------18-18--| A-------------------------15-| E----------------------------|
Naaa were out of bear claws. FI said, well in that case, iFn Fthat case what do you have?F HFe said, all Ive got right now is this box of one F F E-24b-| B------| dozen starving crazed weasels.G------| I said, OK Ill take that. So he D------| A------| E------| hFands over the box and I oBpen up the lid and the weFasels jump out and they immBediately latch onto my faceF and start biting me all over ayiyi yiyiyiyi. Oh, oh man they were just going nutsF! FTheir terin me apart. FYoFu F FF know I think it was just about that time that little ditty started goin B BB F FF B BB through my head. I believe it went a little something like this. DFoooFohgFeteFmoffBmegBettBemoBffmeFoooFgetFemoFffgeBtteBmofBfooBoohgFetoFoooFhgeFooohBoooBahhBh BhohhFhiaFhhoFoohFahahBahhBhohBhhhBh! FI Fran out onto the street with these flesh eating FweFasels all over my face, waiving my arms all around aFndF just runnin and runnin and runnin like a constipated wiener doFg.F And as luck would have it, thats eFxaFctly when I ran into the girl of my dreams,F hFer name was ZeldaF. FShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite anFd Fhair the colour of strange peachesF. FIll never forget the very first thing she said to mFe,F she said, hey, you got weasels on your face. F
Thats when I knew it was truFe Flove, we were inseparable after that, oh we FatFe together, we bathed together,F wFe even shared the same piece of mint- flavoured dental flosFs.F The world was our burrito. So Fwe got married and we bBought us a house and had tFwo beautiful children, NBathaniel and SuperflyF. Oh we were so very very verFy Fhappy, oh ya. But then one fateful
night Zelda said to me, she said, Sweetie-pumpkin, do you want to join
the Columbia Record Club?F

FF

F B

BB

I said, WooFooah hoBld on now baby, Im jFust not ready for that kBind of a commitment. So wFe broke up and I never saw her again but thats juFst thFe way Fthings Fgo, . In AF Fm7 <Bi>Bm7 - F F B F Fm7 B Bm7 F lbuquerque, A - lbuquerque!
E-16-16-16---16-16-16---16------16b16b17b17b17b18b18b-16-13-----------| B-18-------18---18----18--18-18-18--------------------------16--------| G--------------------------------------------------------------14-----| D-----------------------------------------------------------------15--| A---------------------------------------------------------------------| E---------------------------------------------------------------------| E----------------------------------------20p18p16p11-| B----------------------------------18-16-------------| G-17-15----18-18-18-16----19-17----------------------| D------17-------------16-------17--------------------| A----------------------------------------------------| E----------------------------------------------------|
Anyway then things really started looking up for me, becFauFse about a week later I finally achieved myF lFife-long dream. Thats right I got meF aF part time job at the Sizzler. I even FmaFde employee-of-the-month after I put out that grease-fire with myF fFace. Oh ya everyone was pretty jealous of me FafFter that. I was getting lota attitudeF. FOK like one time, I was out in the parking lot trying FtoF remove my excess earwax with a golf penciFl,F when I see this guy Marty tryin to carry a big oldF sFofa up the stairs all by himself. So I-I say to hiFm,F I say, hey, you want me to help you with thatF? FAnd Marty he just rolls his eyes and goesF, Fnooooo I want you to cut off my arms and FleFgs with a chain saw.B So I did. FAnd thenF he getFs all F inBdignanBt on meB, hes liBke, heFy mad I Fwas justF being FsarcBastiBc. WBell B tFhats just great, how was I supposed to know that?F IFm not a mind reader for crying out loud. FBeFsides now hes got a really cute nickname Torso
E-20-16-18-17-14-16----------------------------------------| B-------------------20-16-18-17-13-15----------------------| F F G-------------------------------------19-15-17-17-13-15----| Boy. D-------------------------------------------------------15-| So A----------------------------------------------------------| E----------------------------------------------------------| whats he complaining about? Say that reminds me of another amusing
anecdotFe;F this guy comes up to me on the street and tells me FheF hasnt had a bite in three days. WelFl FI knew what he meant but just to be funny I tFooFk a big bite out of his jugular vein, and hes yeFlling and screFaming and blBeeding all over and Im like, hey come on dont you get it? But he just kept rFolling aFround on the sFidewalk bleBeding and Bscreaming, YAFHHHH! OHFHHH! AHBHHH! And Im coFmpFletely missing the irony of the whole situation, FmaFn some people just cant take a joke you know?F AFnyway, umF uFm where was IF? FKinda lost my train of thoughtF. FOh, uh, well oh okay FanFyway I know its a roundabout way of saying it buFt FI guess the whole point Im trying to make is, I,F HATE,B SFAURKROUT! Thats all Im reaBlly trying to say, and by the way if oFne day you happen to wBake up and find yourself in an eFxsulstential quBandary full of woeinFg and self doubt and Bwrapped with the pain and isolation Fof youre pitiful meBaningless existence, at leFast even take a small bit of cBomfort in knowing that sFomewhere out there in this crBazy old mixed up uFniverse of oursB, theres stFill a little place, Bcalled FA Fm7 BBm7>-F lbuqBuerqFueFm7, BA Bm7 F>- B lbuFquerque! AlbBuquerque, Albuquerque, AlbuFquerque, AlbuBquerque, AlbFuquerque, AlbuBquerque, AlbuFquerque, AlbuBquerque, I say FA, A, BL, L, FB, B, BU, U QUFERQUE! QBUERQUE! F F B B F F B B FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuqFuerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuquerque,
E-13-13-11-18-16-13-11-13-11/8-6-8-6-4-------1-1-1-1-| B--------------------------------------1-----1-1-1-1-| G----------------------------------------3---2-2-2-2-| D------------------------------------------1/3-3-3-3-| (drum solo) A--------------------------------------------3-3-3-3-| E--------------------------------------------1-1-1-1-| (Belch)