"Weird Al" Yankovic - Albuquerque
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Tuning:
Band: Weird Al Yankovic
Song: Albuquerque
Chords:
F 133211
B 113331
Fm7 131111
Bm7 113121
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Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in aF bFox under the
stairs in the corner of the basement of thFe Fhouse half a block down the
street from Jerrys Bait ShoFp FYou know the place Well anyway, back then
life was FgoFing swell and everything was juuuuusFt Fpeachy except of course
for the undeniablFe Ffact that every single morning myF mFother would make me
a big old bowl of sauerkraut forF bFreakfast. Daaaaaaaouh! BFig Fbowl of
sFauerkFraut!
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D---------------| Every single morning! It was driving me crazy. I said to
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my mom, I said, Hey mom, whats up with all the sauerFkrFaut? And my dear
sweet mother she justF lFooked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming traiFn.F
And she leaned right down next to me, and she said, Its gooFd fFor FyouF!
B B B B And then she tFied me toF the wall Fand stuFck a fBunnel iBn my moutBh
and fBorce-fed Fme nFothFing Fbut saBuerkrauBt until IB was twentBy-six and Fa hFalf
years old. Thats when I swore that sFomFeday, someday I would get out of
that basement and tFraFvel to a magical far away place where the Fsun is
always shining and the aBir smells like warm root beerF and the towels are
oh so fluffyB, where the sFhriners and the lepers play their uBkuleles all
day long and aFnyone on the streetll gladly shBave youre back for a
nFickel. WBakaBwakadBooBdoo Fyah! Well let me tell you people, that it wasnt
long at all before myF dFream came true because the very next dayF aF local
radio station had this contest to see who could FcoFrrectly guess the number
of molecules in LeonarFd FNeroys butt. I was off by three but I still FwoFn
the grand prize. Thats right aF fFirst class one-way ticket, to
FA Fm7 BBm7>-F lbuqBueFrqFueFm7, BA Bm7 F>- B lbuquerque! Ah yah, you know I never
been on a real airplane before and IF gFotta tell ya it was really great.
FExFcept that I had to ist between two large AlbaniaFn Fwomen with
excruciatingly severe body odour and theF lFittle kid in back of me kept
throwing up the whole timeF. FThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper
and salted peanutFs Fand the in flight movie was "Biodome" with Polly ShoFreF.
And oh yah three of the airplane's engines burned down and we Fwent into a
tailspin and Bcrashed into a hillside and the plFane exploded in a giant
fBireball and evFerybody died! Except for me. You know why? Cause I haFd my
train table upB, and my Fseat back in the full uprBight position, had my
tFrain table upB, and my sFeat back in the full uprigBht position, had my
tFrain table up,B and my sFeat back in the full upriBght position. Ah ha ha
ha! Oh ha ha! Ahhhh. So IF cFrawled from the twisted burnin wreckage, I F F
crawled on my hands and knees for three full dayFs,F dragging along my big
lFeather suitcase, and my gaBrment bag, and my tFenor saxophone, and my
tBwelve-pound bowling ball and my lFucky lucky autographed gBlow in the dark
snorkelF. But finally a arrived at the world famous ABlbuBquerque HBolidBay
IFnn, where the towels are oh so fluffy, and you coulFd Feat youre soup
right out of the ashtrays if you wanFnaF, its OK their clean. Well I
cFhecked into my room and I turned dBown the AC and I turned on the speFctro
visionB and I was just about to eat that little cFhocolate mint on my pillow
that I lBove so very very much when sudFdenly theres a knock on the door.
FWell now who could that be? I say, who iFs Fit? No answer. Who is FitF?
Theres no answer. Who is it!? Theyre not saying anything, so finallFy I
go over and I open the door and jFust as I suspected, its some big fat
hermFaphrodite with a flock of seagulls haircut and onlFy Fone nostril. Oh
man I haFteF it when Im right. So anyway he buFrst into my room and graBbbes
my lucky snorkel and Im like hey, you cant have that! That snorkel has
beFen just like a snorkel to me. And hes like tough FAnFd Im like give
it. And hes like mFakFe me. And Im like k. So I grabbed Fhis leg and F
he grBabbed my oesoBphagus and I Fbit off his eFar and he cheBwed off my
eyBebrows and I took out his appendix and he gFave me a vaFlonic irrigation
yes indeed you better believe it. And FsoFmehow in the middle of it all the
phone got knocked off the hoFokF, and twenty seconds later I hearFd Fa
familiar voice, and you know what it sFaiFd, Ill tell you what it said, it
said, if youd likFe to makFe a caBll, pleBase hanBg upF and tryF agaiBn. IfB youF
need hFelp hang Bup and thBen dial youre oFperBator. If youd likFe to makFe a
cBall, plBease hBang Fup and tFry agBain. If yFou need hFelp hang Bup and thBen dial
youre oFperaBtor. In AF Fm7 <Bi>Bm7 - F lbuquBerFquFe,Fm7 AB Bm7 F- lbuquerque! Well
to Fcut a long story short he got away with my snorkeFl.F But I made a solemn
vow right theFn Fand there that I would rest, I would not sleep for an
insFtaFnt until the one-nostriled man was brought to justicFe.F But first I
decided to buy some donuts. So I gFot in my Fcar and drove oBver to the dBonut
shop and I waFlked right up to the guy behind the cBounter and he says yFah,
wadaya want?
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I said, you FgoFt any glazed donuts? He said, naaFa Fwere all out of
glazed donuts. I said, FweFll you got any jelly donuts? He sFaiFd, naaa
were all out of jelly donuts. I said,F yFou got any Bavarian cream-filled
donuts? He FsaFid, naaa were all out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts. FI F
said, you got any cinnamon rolls? He said,F nFaaa were all out of
cinnamon rolls. I saiFd,F you got any apple fritters!? He said, nFaaFa
were out of apple fritters. I said,F yFou got any bear claws!!? He said,
wait a minute, Ill go check.
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Naaa were out of bear claws. FI said, well in that case, iFn Fthat case
what do you have?F HFe said, all Ive got right now is this box of one F F
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dozen starving crazed weasels.G------| I said, OK Ill take that. So he
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hFands over the box and I oBpen up the lid and the weFasels jump out and they
immBediately latch onto my faceF and start biting me all over ayiyi
yiyiyiyi. Oh, oh man they were just going nutsF! FTheir terin me apart. FYoFu
F FF
know I think it was just about that time that little ditty started goin
B BB F FF B BB
through my head. I believe it went a little something like this.
DFoooFohgFeteFmoffBmegBettBemoBffmeFoooFgetFemoFffgeBtteBmofBfooBoohgFetoFoooFhgeFooohBoooBahhBh
BhohhFhiaFhhoFoohFahahBahhBhohBhhhBh! FI Fran out onto the street with these flesh
eating FweFasels all over my face, waiving my arms all around aFndF just
runnin and runnin and runnin like a constipated wiener doFg.F And as luck
would have it, thats eFxaFctly when I ran into the girl of my dreams,F hFer
name was ZeldaF. FShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite
anFd Fhair the colour of strange peachesF. FIll never forget the very first
thing she said to mFe,F she said, hey, you got weasels on your face. F
Thats when I knew it was truFe Flove, we were inseparable after that, oh we
FatFe together, we bathed together,F wFe even shared the same piece of mint-
flavoured dental flosFs.F The world was our burrito. So Fwe got married and
we bBought us a house and had tFwo beautiful children, NBathaniel and
SuperflyF. Oh we were so very very verFy Fhappy, oh ya. But then one fateful
night Zelda said to me, she said, Sweetie-pumpkin, do you want to join
the Columbia Record Club?F
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FF
F BBB
I said, WooFooah hoBld on now baby, Im jFust not ready for that kBind of a commitment. So wFe broke up and I never saw her again but thats juFst thFe way Fthings Fgo, . In AF Fm7 <Bi>Bm7 - F F B F Fm7 B Bm7 F lbuquerque, A - lbuquerque!Anyway then things really started looking up for me, becFauFse about a week
later I finally achieved myF lFife-long dream. Thats right I got meF aF part
time job at the Sizzler. I even FmaFde employee-of-the-month after I put
out that grease-fire with myF fFace. Oh ya everyone was pretty jealous of me
FafFter that. I was getting lota attitudeF. FOK like one time, I was out in
the parking lot trying FtoF remove my excess earwax with a golf penciFl,F when
I see this guy Marty tryin to carry a big oldF sFofa up the stairs all by
himself. So I-I say to hiFm,F I say, hey, you want me to help you with
thatF? FAnd Marty he just rolls his eyes and goesF, Fnooooo I want you to cut
off my arms and FleFgs with a chain saw.B So I did. FAnd thenF he getFs all F
inBdignanBt on meB, hes liBke, heFy mad I Fwas justF being FsarcBastiBc. WBell B
tFhats just great, how was I supposed to know that?F IFm not a mind reader
for crying out loud. FBeFsides now hes got a really cute nickname Torso
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whats he complaining about? Say that reminds me of another amusing
anecdotFe;F this guy comes up to me on the street and tells me FheF hasnt had
a bite in three days. WelFl FI knew what he meant but just to be funny I
tFooFk a big bite out of his jugular vein, and hes yeFlling and screFaming
and blBeeding all over and Im like, hey come on dont you get it? But he
just kept rFolling aFround on the sFidewalk bleBeding and Bscreaming, YAFHHHH!
OHFHHH! AHBHHH! And Im coFmpFletely missing the irony of the whole situation,
FmaFn some people just cant take a joke you know?F AFnyway, umF uFm where was
IF? FKinda lost my train of thoughtF. FOh, uh, well oh okay FanFyway I know its
a roundabout way of saying it buFt FI guess the whole point Im trying to
make is, I,F HATE,B SFAURKROUT! Thats all Im reaBlly trying to say, and by
the way if oFne day you happen to wBake up and find yourself in an
eFxsulstential quBandary full of woeinFg and self doubt and Bwrapped with the
pain and isolation Fof youre pitiful meBaningless existence, at leFast even
take a small bit of cBomfort in knowing that sFomewhere out there in this
crBazy old mixed up uFniverse of oursB, theres stFill a little place, Bcalled
FA Fm7 BBm7>-F lbuqBuerqFueFm7, BA Bm7 F>- B lbuFquerque! AlbBuquerque, Albuquerque,
AlbuFquerque, AlbuBquerque, AlbFuquerque, AlbuBquerque, AlbuFquerque,
AlbuBquerque, I say FA, A, BL, L, FB, B, BU, U QUFERQUE! QBUERQUE! F F B B F F B B
FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuqFuerque,
BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque,
FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque, BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuFquerque,
BAlbuBquerque, FAlbuquerque,
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(Belch)