^AmDo not feed dou^Gghnuts to your obe^Fse children ^Em ^AmYou will regr^Get it when they??^F?re in their teens ^Em ^AmMaccas might shut ^Gthem up now that t^Fhey’re seven ^Em But th^Fey won’t forgive you, when ^EmThey’re getting picked last for PE ^Am ^Bm7Don’t you see?

^AmBoombalata motherfucker ^D9Have you noticed that your kids are fat^Dm? ^AmWhat are you going to do about that? ^D7 ^AmWhat are you going to do?

^AmSo you telling me that your family ^D7 ^AmHas a history of obesi^D7ty You got a polycy^Amstic ovary ^D7 ^AmIt’s just the way that God made ^D7me

^AmIt’s unlikely^D7, statistically To be a physi^Amcal thing But either way ^D7it don’t explain why you Are in the cue ^Amat Burger King

You can blame^Am it on biology^D7 You can blame^Am your physiology ^D7 You can point^Am to genealogy ^D7 And your soci^Amal anthropology ^D7

You can say yo^Amu are an ectomorph ^D7 That you just ^Amcan’t get the kilos off ^D7 Well you can be what ^Bm7you wanna be But stop feeding that boy KFC ^E7

He we^Fighs 40 kilos and he’s only three He lo^Bm7oks like a clean-shaven Pavarotti ^E7

^FSwitching to Diet Coke is not the way ^Cback ^GBoombalata kiddie-stuffer Your kid^D’s a fat, have you noticed that? ^AmAnd you oughta be ash^Famed ^G For you only ^Amhave yourself to b^Flame. ^G

Your 5 ye^Far old princess in her size 14 tutu ^C ^GOnly eats pizza like that b^Decause you do ^E7 Will be dead ^Cof a heart attack Befor^Ge your grandchildren are ten ^C ^G Perha^Cps you’ll consider A cu^Gt-back on extra fries then ^C ^G

^AmBoombalata kiddie-stuffer ^D9Have you noticed that your kids are fat^Dm? ^AmWhat are you going to do about that? ^D7 ^AmWhat are you going to do?

^AmSo you telling me that your family ^D7 ^AmHas a history of obesi^D7ty You got a polycy^Amstic ovary ^D7 ^AmIt’s just the way that God made ^D7me

^AmBut – and in y^D7our case There’s a rea^Amsonably big butt ^D7 Do you think^Am it’s an appropriate treat ^D7 The all-you-can-eat at Piz^Amza Hut? ^D7

There’s no excu^Amse you silly goose ^D7 For a chi^Amld with a caboo^D7se Like a moo^Amse who’s eaten too much mousse ^D7 It’s^Am tantamount to child abuse ^D7

Kick them off the^Am fucking couch ^D7 Unpl^Amug the Playstati^D7on Send them down to^Am the park ^D7 If they don’t wann^Ama go, make ??^D7?em

^AmTell them they have to jog ^D7 Until their jog^Amging shorts fit’^D7em If they he^Amsitate, ask firml^D7y If they sti^Amll resist, hit’em

Is t^Fhis what you want for your little girl a^Cnd guy? These chip^Gs off the pork chop, for the toffee apples of ^Dyour eye? ^FSix packs of kit cats are not the way^C back ^GBoombalata Kiddie-Stuffer Your kids^D are fat, did ya notice that?

^AmAnd you, you ought to be ashame^Fd ^G ^AmFor you have only got yourself to bla^Fme ^G Your 6 y^Fear old miniature Jabba the Hu^Ct Eating hal^Gf melted Mars Bars from the folds of his gut ^D He'll be dead^C of an aneurysm Befor^Ge his own children ism ten ^C ^G Perha^Cps you’ll consider A cu^Gt-back on Taco Bell then ^C ^G Perh^Caps you’ll consider A cu^Gt-back on Krispy Kreme doughnuts ^C And Popcorn in bucket-si^Gzed boxes And mic^Crowave pizza or drive through^G McDonalds For wee^Cknightly dinners in front of the^G TV And note^Cs to the phys-ed instructor s^Gaying Timmy has asthma ^Cbut he really just gets short of br^Geath Cos he’s 35 k^Cilos above the ideal weigh^Gt Of 35^C kilos for a nine y^Gear old boy ^C

Tim Minchin - Fat children