Tim Minchin - Three minute song

My ^Bbpeople rang me up a couple of ^Fweeks ago Yeah, I've got ^Bbpeople; and a phone; and a ^Fgrasp on the passage of ^Ctime Yeah they ^Bbrang me up, said "^CTim, will you ^Dmgo on ^CRuth Jones ^Dmshow They ^Cwant you to sing a song, it'll be ^Bbfine, fine, ^Ffine" But the ^Bbproblem with my particular œu^Fvre, Is that ^Bbhalf my songs are five minutes and ov^Fer. And the ^Cwisdom here at the BBC, Is that ^Cviewers switch off if you go past three, And a ^Bblot of my songs have a bit of bad ^Flanguage, Which ^Bbcauses the viewers untold ^Fanguish, It seems their ^Ctolerance for smuttiness is ^Dmreserved, For ^Bbpussy puns on '^CAre You Being ^FServed''.

And so I ^Fneed a song that only goes for three minutes, With^Cout no bums or blasphemy in it, A ^Dmlovely little song specifically written for the ^Bbdelicate skin of ^Cmiddle-class ^FBritain. I ^Fneed a song with a chorus and a verse, With ^Cno nasty-ass cussin' and a-cursin', And I'm a ^Dmlittle too lewd and a little too long, I've gotta ^Bbfind myself a ^Cthree-minute ^Fsong.

And they said, "^BbRemember boy that music is like ^Flove-making it's simply self-in^Cdulgent to take it past three ^Dmminutes. Rem^Bbember boy that music is like ^Flove-making, Everybody loves a ^Cpianist, but length must have a limit… So you ^Fneed a song that only goes for three minutes, With^Cout no pornography or politics in it, You're a ^Dmlittle verbose and a little bit wrong, You've gotta ^Bbfind yourself a clean, limit, ^Cthree-minute ^Fsong".

^FThree-hundred beats at a hundred beats-per-minute, With ^Cnice clean jokes and a hoedown in it, ^DmSomething for the telly that never, ever fails, To ^Bbappease the viewers of ^CBBC ^FWales.

And even in the ^Dmbridge I won't be ^Bblyrically ^Fadventurous, intel^Bblectually un^Fmention-ous, or ^Cracially contentious, And I ^Dmwon't make double entendres at the ^Bbexpense of the ^FChinese, For ^CChina is a country that can ^C7bring me to my knees. ^BbFor China, For China, ^FVagina, Vagina, Va^Cgina is a cunt-ry that will ^C7bring us to our knees. N.C. Ooh, Mr. Humphries, my pussy is all wet! (Fake laugh) Two… Three… Fore-skin

I ^Fneed a little happy-clappy country song, ^CNice and repetitive and not too long, ^DmBoring enough, but not too boring, With a ^Bbkey change here to ^Cprevent me ^Dsnoring. I ^Gneed a song that is only three minutes, Wit^Dhout no buggery or blasphemy in it, ^EmSomething with a pleasing rhyme and rhythm, Well, ^Cif you can't beat 'em, get ^Dconservative with 'em.

Oh-oh, I ^Gneed a song that causes no offense, To ^Dflog more tickets to my concerts, By conv^Emincing the viewer that musical satire, ^CHasn't progressed since Victor Borge, ^EmYou've got a telly and ^CI want to be in it, But ap^Dparently you'll only watch for three ^Gminutes. Yeah, ^Capparently you'll only ^Dwatch for three?^G?