Tuning: E A D G B E

A Guide To Love Loss And Desperation 2007 by The Wombats Songs: 1.] Tales Of Girls Boys And Marsupials 2.] Kill The Director 3.] Moving To New York 4.] Lost In The Post 5.] Party In A Forest 6.] School Uniforms 7.] Here Comes The Anxiety 8.] Lets Dance To Joy Division 9.] Backfire At The Disco 10.] Little Miss Pipedream 11.] Dr. Suzzanne Mattox PHD 12.] Patricia The Stripper 13.] My First Wedding Song 1: Tales Of Girls Boys And Marsupials No Capo

^ATales of girls and ^C#mboys and girls and ^Dmarsupi^Eals ^ATales of girls and ^C#mboys and girls and ^Dmarsupi^Eals

[end on A] Song 2: Kill The Director No Capo [Verse 1]

^EI've met someone that makes me feel seasick ^BOh what a skill to have ^F#Oh what a skill to have ^ESo many skills that make her distinctive ^BBut they're not mine to have ^F#No they're not mine ^EWhenever she looks i read the nearest paper ^BNo i don't care about the soaps ^F#No i don't care about the soaps ^E ^BThough i'm acting like i'm in an Eastenders e^F#pisode

[Chorus] E D#m

^BIf this is a rom-com ^F#Kill the director ^E ^D#m ^BIf this is a rom-com ^F#Kill the director please ^E

[Verse 2]

^ECarrots help us see much better in the dark ^D#m ^BDon't talk to girls; they'll break y^F#our heart ^EAnd this is my head and this is my spout ^D#m ^BThey work together; they can't^F# figure anything out ^ESo with the angst of a teenage band ^BHere's another song about a gender i'll ^F#never understand ^E ^BHere's another song about a gender i'll n^F#ever understand

[Chorus] E D#m

^BIf this is a rom-com ^F#Kill the director ^E ^D#m ^BIf this is a rom-com ^F#Kill the director ^E ^D#m ^BIf this is a rom-com ^F#Kill the director please ^B

[Outro]

^EThis is no Bri^D#mdget Jones ^G#mThis is no ^ABridget Bridget ^EThis is no Bri^D#mdget Jones ^G#mThis is no ^ABridget Bridget ^EThis is no Bri^D#mdget Jones ^G#mThis is no ^ABridget Bridget ^EThis is no Bri^D#mdget Jones ^G#mThis is no ^ABridget Bridget ^EThis is no Bri^D#mdget Jones ^G#mThis is no ^ABridget Bridget ^EThis is no Bri^D#mdget Jones ^G#mThis is no ^ABridget ^EBridget Jones ^D#m A E

Song 3: Moving To New York No Capo [Verse 1]

^DmI've just ^Amhad the ^Ccraziest ^Gweek, Like a ^Dmparty ^Ambag of lies, ^Cbooze and then ^Gdeceit. And I ^Dmdon't know ^Amwhy I want to ^Cvoice this out ^Gloud, ^DmIt's theraputic ^Amsomehow. ^C ^G

[Chorus]

So I'm ^Fmoving to New ^CYork cos I've got ^Amproblems with my ^Gsleep, And we're ^Dmnot the ^Amsame and I will ^Cwear that on my ^Gsleeve. So I'm ^Fmoving to New ^CYork cos I've got ^Amissues with my ^Gsleep, Looks like ^DmChristmas came ^Amearly, ^CChristmas came ^Gearly for me^F.

[Verse 2]

I put ^Dmone foot ^Amforward and ended up ^Cthirty yards ^Gback. And am I ^Dmlosing ^Amtouch or am I just ^Ccompletely off the ^Gtrack? And I ^Dmdon't know ^Amwhy I want to ^Cvoice this out ^Gloud, ^DmIt's theraputic ^Amsomehow. ^C ^G

[Chorus]

Song 4: Lost In The Post Capo 2 [Verse]

^AI should have known you didn't ^Bmhave the time, my^D dear To ^Alet this twenty-^Bmsomething bring yo^Du down with his list of fears I'^Ad like to think we ^Bmhad some fun times^D though It's just my^Bm inability to think outside the^D box, I know

[Chorus]

She was^A signed, sealed and lost in the ^Dpost ^BmGone where all the^A letters we write to^D Santa go [Go to Santa, ^Ago!^Bm] ^D

[Verse]

^AI could see your ^Bminterest wane, my^D dear ^AShe wanted ^BmMary Poppins and I^D took her to King Lear ^AYeah, we had some ^Bmspills, shall I^D say And I thought ^Bmyou were going to leave, but not that you'd^D evaporate

[Chorus]

She was^A signed, sealed and lost in the ^Dpost ^BmGone where all the^A letters we write to^D Santa go [Go to Santa, ^Ago!^Bm] ^D

[Bridge]

Please ^Ago to Santa, go to Santa, go, go, go....... x16

[Chorus]

She was^A signed, sealed and lost in the ^Dpost ^BmGone where all the^A letters we write to^D Santa go [Go to Santa, ^Ago!^Bm] ^D

A Song 5: Party In A Forest [Where's Laura?] No Capo [Verse]

Am ^BI in a scene from 'Mid^G#msummer Nights Dream'? I thought ^Eraves like these died in the ^F#90's? The ^Bforest is breathing a^G#mlong with us ton^Eight ^F#

^BUpper class thugs take ^G#mmiddle class drugs And we ^Eall get lowered in ^F#size This is ^Bnot my scene, I should ^G#mnot be here ton^Eight ^F#

[Chorus]

^BLaura, ^G#mooh-oh ooh-oh ^BLaura, ^G#mooh-oh ooh-oh ^BLaura, you can ^G#mget me home ton^Eight ^F#

[Verse]

^BTrance music bangs a ^G#mcomical dance of c^Eardboard boxes and f^F#ish We're the ^Bfairies from hell and ^G#mwe're all on a D^Eeathwish ^F#

This is ^Bnot my scene, this is ^G#mkilling me I don't ^Ewant to be here to^F#night And the ^Bgirl who can save me's well ^G#macross the Penn^Eines ^F#

[Chorus]

^BLaura, ^G#mooh-oh ooh-oh ^BLaura, ^G#mooh-oh ooh-oh ^BLaura, you can ^G#mget me home ton^Eight ^F#

Song 6: School Uniforms No Capo [Intro] C# F# x2 [Verse]

^C#It all started on the ^F#school bus ^D#mYou were ^G#9 and I was 10 ^C#Remember you had a ^F#Walkman ^D#mAll I had was a ^G#middle part and a pen

[Pre-Chorus]

^C# ^F# Oh sweet Louise ^C# ^F# Whatever happened to her?

[Verse]

^C#Then is all went ^F#downhill ^D#MYou grew ^G#tall I stayed the same ^C#I guess that's just ^F#puberty ^D#mMaking us boys all ^G#play a losing game

[Pre-Chorus]

^C# ^F# Oh sweet Louise [Chorus] I always ^F#found it hard to ^Fmwork things ^D#mthrough Those school ^F#uniforms made a ^Fmjoke Made a ^D#mjoke of me and you I'm glad I'm not back in school

C# F# x2 [Verse]

^C#She got an older ^F#boyfriend [how could she?] ^D#mHad a ^G#beard smoked Marlboro red ^C#How can I ^F#compete with that? [how can he?] I ^D#mdon't even know the lo^G#cation of the bike sheds

[Pre-Chorus]

^C# ^F# Oh sweet Louise [Chorus] I always ^F#found it hard to ^Fmwork things ^D#mthrough Those school ^F#uniforms made a ^Fmjoke Made a ^D#mjoke of me and you I'm glad I'm not back in school

^C#I remember short skirts Long hair x16 My hormones flying everywhere

[Chorus]

I always ^F#found it hard to ^Fmwork things ^D#mthrough Those school ^F#uniforms made a ^Fmjoke Made a ^D#mjoke of me and you I'm glad I'm not back in school

C# F# x2 End On C# Song 8: Let's Dance To Joy Division No Capo [Verse 1]

^BI'm back in Liverpool, And e^Ebmverything seems t^A#he s^Aame, But I worked something out last n^Eight, That changed this little boy's ^Bbrain,

A small piece of advice,

That t^Ebmook twenty-two years ^A#in the m^Aake, And I will break it for you ^Enow Please learn from ^Amy mista^Eke, please learn from ^Amy mistak^Be.

[Chorus]

^BLet's dance to Joy Division And ^F#celebrate the ^G#iron^Ay, Everything is going ^Ewrong, But we're so happy^B

Let's dance to Joy Division,

And ^F#raise our glass to the ^G#ceilin^Ag, Cause this could all go so w^Erong, But we're just so happy, yeah we're so happ^By,

[Verse 2]

^BSo if you're ever feeling down, G^Ebmrab your purse and take a ^A#tax^Ai

To the darkest side of town

Th^Eat's where we'll ^Bbe, And we will wait for you, And^Ebm lead you through the ^A#danc^Aefloor, Up to the DJ b^Eooth, You know what ^Ato ask ^Efor, you know what ^Ato ask ^Bfor.

[Chorus]

^BGo ask for Joy Division, And ^F#celebrate the^G# iro^Any, Everything is going w^Erong But we're so happ^By ^BGo ask for Joy Division, And ^F#raise our glass to the^G# cei^Aling, Cause this could all go so ^Ewrong, But we're so happy, so ha^Bppy,

[Bridge]

^BSo let the love tear us apart; I've ^Ebmfound a cure for a brok^A#en h^Aeart, Let it tear us ap^Eart, Let the love tear us apar^Bt; I've ^Ebmfound a cure for a brok^A#en h^Aeart, Let it tear us ^Eapart,[Let it tear us a^Bpart] ^BSo let the love tear us apart; I've ^Ebmfound a cure for a brok^G#en h^Aeart, Let it tear us apart,^E[Let it tear us apa^Brt] ^BLet the love tear us apart; I've ^Ebmfound a cure for a brok^A#en he^Aart, Let it tear us ^Eapart, ^ALet it tear us ^Eapart, ^ALet it tear us ^Eapart.

[Chorus]

^BLet's dance to Joy Division, And c^F#elebrate the ^A#iron^Ay, Everything is going w^Erong But we're so happ^By ^BLet's dance to Joy Division, And ^F#raise our glass to the^G# cei^Aling, Cause this could all go so wr^Eong, But we're so happy, yeah we're so hap^Bpy,

[Outro] So happy, Yeah we're so happy, So happy, Yeah we're so happy. Song 9: Backfire At The Disco No Capo [Verse 1]

^AIt's 8 O'clock and I'm feeling fine I'm ^F#mout on a date tonight In a ^Dcandle lit restaurant Down by the river^Aside ^AEverythings going alright I guess She ^F#mtook down my number and home address ^DEverything was going perfectly ^AUntil

[Chorus]

I^At backfired at the disco she ^F#mslapped me at the disco I ^Ddid something I'll never for^Aget ^E

[Verse 2]

It was a ^Achat up line built not to impress More a ^F#msleezy remark on her whorish dress ^DMy wires crossed like they'd never done ^Abefore Well it's ^A3 O'clock and I'm feeling shite I'm ^F#mgoing home alone tonight ^DEverything was going perfectly ^AUntil

[Chorus]

I^At backfired at the disco she ^F#mslapped me at the disco I ^Ddid something I'll never for^Aget Yeah i^At backfired at the disco she ^F#mslapped me at the disco I ^Dmade a move when it was well^A out of context

[Outro]

^AIt backfired at the disco ^F#mWe were dancing at the disco ^DIt backfired at the disco ^AWe were dancing at the disco ^AYeah it backfired at the disco ^F#mWhen she slapped me at the disco ^DIt backfired at the disco ^AWe were dancing at the disco

Song 10: Little Miss Pipedream No Capo

^EI think the postman intercepts everything I try and send to you^A ^E'Cause he's infatuated, and he's the fulcrum between us ^Atwo ^BAnd I can't say I'd blame him ^A'cause I'd cheat a priest just to get to you^E ^E[Doo-doo doo do doo-doo doo do doo-doo doo doo do]

^EShe works in a dental practice, nine-til-five how does she manage? ^AConsidering her nights don't pass out til ^Ethree ^BSo I guess that flo^Assing is the last thing in her health rou^Etine ^E[Doo-doo doo do doo-doo doo do doo-doo doo doo doo do]

And ^AI don't mind that she gets ^Bhammered and goes home with other ^Aguys ^AThere's no jealousy, 'cause she's little miss pipedream fantasy^E [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Aoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Eoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Aoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Eoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh]

^EI saw her ^Aslam back te^Bquilas like Oliver ^C#mReid on an Irish stag ^Ado ^AAnd I'll wait if ^Byou stay 'cause foggy ^C#mLondon town's not built for me or ^Ayou ^ADon't leave miss pipedream 'cause I love you^E ^E[Doo-doo doo do doo-doo doo do doo-doo doo doo doo do] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Aoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Eoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh]

And ^AI don't mind that she gets ^Bhammered and goes ^C#mhome with other ^Aguys There's no ^Ajealousy, though she'll ^Bgrind it out with ^C#mfriends but not ^Awith me ^AShe's my little pipedream fantasy^E ^E[Doo-doo doo do doo-doo doo do doo-doo doo doo doo do] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Aoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Eoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Aoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh] [Ooh-wooh-wa-ooh ^Eoooh oooh oooh oooh ooh-wa-ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh]

Song 11: Dr. Suzanne Mattox PHD No Capo [Intro] D [Verse 1]

I'm ^Dgoing to the doctors on Friday I'm going to the doctors on Friday They make me ^F#mbetter, they give me pills and ^Emall sorts, My ^Dgp's going to help me this Friday

Her name's Suzanne and she's got a Phd

And I think that she ^F#mlikes me, Well she's al^Emways smiling,

[Chorus]

^G Don't think I'm ^F#mwasting your ^Emtime ^G This is not a ^F#mdrama piece of ^Emmine

I'm not here to tell you lies

Suzanne, you better believe me this ^Dtime [Post-Chorus] ^A Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! ^Em Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! D

[Verse 2]

She ^Dtold me to stop smoking but I'll do it anyways She told me to stop smoking but I'll do it anyways I don't ^F#mcare now, I can't see it ^Emhurt me She ^Dtold me to stop drinking but I'll do it anyway

She told me to stop drinking but I'll do it anyway

I don't ^F#mcare now, maybe I've died in^Emside [Chorus] ^G Don't think I'm ^F#mwasting your ^Emtime ^G This is not a ^F#mdrama piece of ^Emmine

I'm not here to tell you lies

Suzanne you better believe me this ^Dtime [Post-Chorus] ^A Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! ^Em Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! D ^A Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! ^Em Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! D

D A G D [Post-Chorus]

^A Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! ^Em Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! ^A Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! ^Em Help me Suzanne, help help me Suzanne! D

Song 12: Patricia The Stripper No Capo

^AShe works downtown in an unmarked bar, flyin' 'round poles She always gave me the fright of my ^Dlife ^AI didn't mean to get involved it was the alcohol Mixed with an empty feeling ^Dinside It's such a ^Bmbad idea To ^Dfall in love with a 'la^Edy of the night'

^A[ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh][ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh] Why didn't God give her two left ^Dfeet ^BmThen she couldn't ^Drun away from me

^AMonths go by and I'm alone in bed While she's greasing up for when the businessmen and lawyers arr^Dive ^AI've got to wear a beard, a suit and tie To get past the door if I want to see my girl t^Donight

I go to ^Bmall this effort Just to see my ^Dfair Patricia going ^Ehome with some other guy

^A[ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh][ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh] Why didn't God give her two left ^Dfeet ^BmThen she couldn't ^Drun away from me

^BmShe thinks I'm ^Dsad and that's ^Aalright ^E ^BmBut she doesn't ^Dhate me so there's ^Amy little ^Ealibi ^BmI can't, I can't leave, ^DI can't, I can't, ^AI can't She's my ^Ecoked up Botox ^Bmgirl

^APatricia, ^EPatricia Oh, ^APatricia the stripper you are my suns^Dhine So, ^Bmwhy can't you come home with me t^Aonight

^A[ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh][ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh] Why didn't God give her two left ^Dfeet ^BmThen she couldn't ^Drun away from me

Song 13: My First Wedding No Capo [Intro] G G G C A# A G G C F [Verse 1]

^GThis is my first wedding and I h^Cope it is my l^A#ast^A ^GThings would be fantastic if ^Cme and the bride didn't h^Fave a past ^GSo I stand by the buffet and subm^Cerse myself in ^A#bri^Ae ^GI'm tactically positioning here because the ^Cbar is near and the ^Fchampagne's for free

[Instrumental 1] G G C A# A G G C F Am G [Verse 2]

^GThis is my first wedding and I h^Cope it passes ^A#qui^Ack, ^GIf I've got no feelings for her then w^Chy is my stomach feeli^Fng so sick? ^GAs they dance to their soppy song I p^Cray it isn't ^A#lov^Ae ^GBecause she's my heartless bitch that I ^Cjust can't seem to ^Fget enough of

[Instrumental 2]

^GOh^G o^Ch ^A#oh ^Aoh ^GOh^G o^Ch ^Foh oh

[Chorus]

^GShe's not that beautiful, she's n^Cot that beauti^A#ful^A! ^GShe'll steal your mind first then your c^Car ^A# ^A ^GShe's not that beautiful, she's n^Cot that beauti^A#ful^A! ^GBlame it on an evil twist of f^C*ate, that she c^A#*reated from t^A*he start

[Verse 3]

^GJust one more single malt then it's ^Coff to bed for ^A#me ^A ^GMy head is spinning round and my l^Cegs are break-dancing ^F[He's pissed!] ^GI only meant to say farewell but I s^Cpilt more than my ^A#dri^Ank ^GI can't remember exactly what I said but I r^Cemember being ch^Fased up the street!

[Instrumental 3]

^GOh^G o^Ch ^A#oh ^Aoh ^GOh^G o^Ch ^Foh oh ^COh^F o^Ch ^Foh oh

[Chorus]

^GShe's not that beautiful, she's n^Cot that beauti^A#ful^A!

The Wombats - A guide to love loss and desperation