^DFresh out of college, with g^Grades straight from ^DHell I ^Dbrowsed for a trade at which ^AI could excel ^DAn ad for a ship in need of some manning ^DMen, sails, and purpose, but ^Alacking a ^Dcaptain

^GWhat luck, says I, to ^Dfind such good fortune! A ^Afew white lies later, I ^Dran down the pier ^GBought me a coat and a ^Dcutlass or two ^AJumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew:

^GHoist up the thing! ^DBatten down the whatsit! ^AWhat's that thing spinning? ^DSomebody should stop it! ^GTurn hard to port! (That's not port) ^DNow I've got it! ^ATrust me, I'm in cont^Drol!

I ^Dcan’t sing the shanties, it ^Ghas to be ^Dsaid And ^Dall of that grog just goes ^Aright to my head ^DWhale meat is gross and ^GI miss a girl’s ^Dlaugh ^DFive weeks at sea, even ^AAave seems a catch!

^GHoist up the thing! ^DBatten down the whatsit! W^Ahat's that thing spinning? Some^Dbody should stop it! ^GTurn hard to port! (That's not port) ^DNow I've got it! ^ATrust me, I'm in cont^Drol!

^DWe’ve hit icy waters, no ^Gland to be ^Dseen ^DThe food’s getting low and the ^Abeer has gone green There’s ^Bbmurmurs of discontent under the deck ^BbIf I don’t act fast, it could be my n^Geck!

So ^Dpull up the charts and those ^Gweird gold mac^Dhines I ^Dsee what it says but no ^Aclue what it means! Just ^Dpull on some levers and ^Gyank on some ^Dchains ^DFeign a bad back til' we’ve ^Alanded again

^GHoist up the thing! ^DBatten down the whatsit! ^AWhat's that thing spinning? Some^Dbody should stop it! ^GTurn hard to port! (That's not port) ^DNow I've got it! ^ATrust me, I'm in con^Dtrol!

^GHoist up the thing! ^DBatten down the whatsit! ^AWhat's that thing spinning? Some^Dbody should stop it! (BLOOAY HELL!) ^GTurn hard to port! (This is SHERRY!) ^DNow I've got it! (Screaming) ^ATrust me, I'm ^Gin con^Dtrol! (MOMMY) ^ATrust me, I'm in con^Dtrol!

The Longest Johns - Hoist up the thing