Steve Martin - The grandmother song

^CBe courteous, kind, and f^Gorgiving ^G7Be gentle and peaceful ea^Cch day ^C7Be warm and human and^F grateful ^GAnd have a good thing^C to say ^CBe thoughtful and trustful and opt^Gimistic ^G7Be witty and happy an^Cd wise ^C7Be honest and love all your neig^Fhbors ^GLive in a swamp and be three di^Cmension ^CBe obsequious, purple and clairvoy^Gant

^CBe sure to stop a^Gt stop signs ^G7And drive fifty-f^Cive miles an hour ^C7Pick up hitchhikers f^Foaming at the mouth ^GAnd when you get home ge^Ct a master's degree in geology

^G7Be pompous, obtuse and eat ^Ccactus ^C7Be dull and boring and omnip^Fresent ^GLook forward to things you ^Cdon't know about ^C7Put a live chicken in your u^Fnderwear ^GGet all excited and go to a y^Cawning festival

(Ladies only) ^CNever make love to ^GBigfoot (Men only) H^G7ello, my name i^Cs Bigfoot (Everyone) ^C7Put a live chicken in your ^Funderwear ^GGo into a closet and s^Cuck eggs