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Intro E/----------------------------------------| B/------5----------------3-----------3--6-| G/---0----------------2-----------4-------| D/--------------0--------------5----------| A/3---------------------------------------| E/-----------------1----------------------| E/------------------------------------------------------------| B/------------------------------------------------------------| G/5555-7777-----------5555-5555-7777--------------------------| D/5555-7777-1212-1010-5555-5555-7777-1212-1010----------------| A/3333-5555-8-8-7-7---3333-3333-5555-8-8-7-7------------------| E/------------------------------------------------------------| Verse
CIt's funny how some fables became Dhistoric GWhen the authors clearly wrote them to be Ammetaphoric FBut people will believe anything if it's Cwritten DEspecially in stone or ancient sGcroll CDecember 25th has been Dblacklisted GSince Dawkins found the proof Jesus never Amexisted CIt was the last thing anyone ever Fexpected GXmas has been X'd
Chorus
No colored Clights, no shopping sFprees No more Gpresents under dead Ctrees St. Nick is Amdead but we don't Fgrieve We celeGbrate the last Christmas CEve
Verse
CJesuits are slowly turning DDianetic GProtestants increasingly become Amagnostic FPentecostal churches are hanging Cpentagrams DPriests and Nuns are molesting each Gother CMethodists and Baptists are claiming DBuddhist GEvangelicals surprisingly are AmNudist CBut mostly everyone is trying to beFcome Jew Cuz GEaster's canceled too
Chorus
No more egg Chunts, no Sunday Fmass Fridays are Gfair, Wednesdays don't Cash They canceled Amlent and slowed down Ffast Enjoy GChristmas cuz it's your Clast No shopping Fsprees (don't worry son) No more Gpresents (we don't need Christ) under dead Ctrees (we got eight nights) St. Nick is Amdead (we got mitzvah) but we don't Fgrieve (they won't cancel) We celeGbrate (our hanukah) the last Christmas Ceve