Momus - The poet

I was ^Gwallowing in squalor when a note came through the mail From a ^Clight-fingered acquaintance who'd been lingering in ^Gjail He had ^Cserved a year of sentence when the fools had set him ^Gfree And he'd ^Dhad a good idea he said he'd like to put to ^Gme

I said ^Gcome on then, let's have it, there's a twinkle in his eye He says ^Clet me put it this way, have you ever wondered ^Gwhy The ^Crich have so much money when, if push should come to ^Gcrunch You can ^Donly be in one room and only eat one ^Glunch

A ^Gcogent observation, but I didn't have the time I pre^Csumed this exposition must be leading to a ^Gcrime He said ^Cwait a precious moment I am trying to set the ^Gscene If you ^Dliberate your mind my friend you'll soon see what I ^Gmean

He said ^Gmhave you ever wondered how a horse becomes a glue? Or ^Cmhow my uncle's pencil reached a garden in Pe^Gmru? And ^Cmhave you tried valerian, the side-effects are ^Gmstrange There is ^Gno such thing as accident, for ^Deverything's ar^Gmranged

I said ^Glisten friend your time inside has clearly flipped your mind These are ^Cmerely hypotheticals I haven't got the ^Gtime If it's ^Cblackmailing on Snapchat or a hold-up count on ^Gme But this ^Dclaptrap that you're spouting now just sounds like ^Gpoetry

Do not ^Gmbe so narrow-minded, my erstwhile accomplice trilled I've had ^Cmlots of time for poetry it's left me rather ^Gmthrilled I've been ^Cmreading the New York School: Frank O'Hara, Kenneth ^GmKoch And they've ^Ggiven me more pleasure than a ^Dthousand dirty ^Gmjokes

Well he's ^Gmpublished by Macmillan now, he got a big advance Which he ^Cmspent on buying a farmhouse in a pleasant part of ^GmFrance His ^Cmfirst book won a Pulitzer, he's up for a No^Gmbel They say you ^Gcan't change human nature but he's ^Ddoing rather ^Gmwell