Autoscroll
1 Column 
Text size
Transpose 0
This is tabbed from the "Never Mind the Hotpots" live album, so I've put in Bernard's ad-lib vocals. You can use a capo on the 5th fret or just use barre chords 'centred around the 5th fret. It's made up of 3 chords F, Gm7, and C. The lyrics within the speech marks are 'sung' in a 'female's' voice. The basic pattern is: F, Gm7, C, F, F, Gm7, C, C To get the gist of the rhythmn and chord changes, just listen to the song.
IF've got a confession to make, For a Gm7man of my age, Now yCoung lads play with it all the time, They Fthink it's all the rage, FThey do it in their bedrooms, When their mGm7um and dads in bed, Grown mCen like me shouldn't do it, 'Cause weC've got wives instead,
I've tried taFlkin' to the wife, But she doGm7esn't understand, The pleasCure that it gives me, When I hoFld it in me hand, The lFonger I play wi' it, The Gm7more it gets 'ard, EspCecially when y've got n' memory on yer memory card!
Bridge:
FDirty! You were thinkin' about somethin' else, I can tell!
FIt started one day, Gm7I got a bonus from work, CTwo hundred pounds, FOh the wife she went berzerk, F'Cause she sent me down to B&Q, Gm7To go and buy some shelves, CBut I spent the cash in gamestation, CAnd she played merry hell!
FSee I got meself a PSP wi' a Gm7couple o' great games, CAnd ever since I've bought it, FLife hasn't been the same, FWell she wants me't do the gutters,Gm7 "It'd only take a day", CBut now I'm wastin' all me time playin' GTA
OFh me PSP, meGm7 PSP, CIt really is fantastic, FIt is the one for me, FWhen I saw it in the shop just sGm7ittin' on a shelf, C'Cause now I get so much pleasure playin with meself, FI've tried talkin' to the wife but sheGm7 doesn't understand, FThe pleasure that it gives me when I 'old it in me 'and, FThe longer I play wi'it the mGm7ore it gets 'ard, CEspecially when y've got n' memory on yer memory card!!
FRight
FBut wife is gettin' fed up now I nGm7ever come to bed, CI just sit on the sofa and pFlay fifa instead, FShe puts on sexy underwear and givGm7es me come-to-bed eyes, CBut the kid down't road I've got to beat him he's on to level five!
FOh me PSP, Gm7me PSP, CIt really is fantastic, FIt is the one for me, FGlad I saw it in the shop just Gm7sittin' on a shelf, C'Cause now I get so much pleasure playin with meself, FI've tried talkin' to the wife but she dGm7oesn't understand, CThe pleasure that it gives me when I F'old it in me 'and, FThe longer I play wi'it the Gm7more it gets 'ard, CEspecially when y've got n' memory on yer memory card!!
FRight, Left, left, left, left, I'm pressin' it jean, I'm bloody pressin' it!!
FAnd then one night when me 'n wife are Gm7cosy lay in bed, She Cwhispered softly in me ear and tFhis is what she said; &Fquot;Darlin' I've been thinkin'", (whatGm7 about)? "'bout our bedroom fun", &Cquot;And the pleasure that you get, by movin just yer thumb", Dirty "F;Well I bought mesell a present" What yGm7er got? "To keep me entertained"
Selfish
&qCuot;I'll confess that it takes batteriesF" Oh "But I'm sure you wont complain" Right I couldn't Fthink of what she'd bought, Gm7But I didn't have to guess, CCause right then she pulled it out - a nintendo D.S!
FI tried talkin' to the wife and noGm7w she understands, CThe pleasure that it gives her when she 'oFlds it in 'er 'and, FThe longer she plays wi'it the mGm7ore it gets 'ard, CEspecially when shes got n' memory on 'er memory card!!