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Tuning: E A D G B E
RITA:
C/GI was brought up in tafetta dresses And G7sus4taught to be pretty and precious Spending my G5playtimes with plastic princesses Who all had E7/G#bodies just utterly ludicrous Miniscual Amwaists and huge G#boobs And it's Am/Gall nipplAm/F#ess and no Fpubes and no Dm9creases I mean D#Jesus it's pretty conC/Efusing EsGpecially at F6.
In that fairytale C/Gworld all the girls end up happy ever after. F/GWooing their knights in shining armour. But some Gnights down the track You can bet they'll be trapped ESpending nights 'n shining armour.
While their Amknights spend their Am/Gnights at the barAm/F# Or at a Am/Fball with some Amharlot I'm not Am/Gbitter it's just Am/F#better That I don't F6fall for all that Amromantic G#bullshit C/GNow that I'm D7/F#older. Though I Dm9don't mind the thought of being tossed C/Eover a shoulder And trotted Foff to a mansion by some D7/F#ruggedly handsome Gman in a fireman helmet And E/G#have him just use me for Amsex. Am/G As I Dm7say - it's a F/Glittle comCplex.
COne day, E7some day my Amprince may come But it dD7oesn't seem likely But Dm7even if he came and he Cliked me It's D7likely he'd be G#5not quite my type.
CSome day, E7they say He'll come Amridin' up on the D7back of a horse Dm7But of course I'm aCllergic to horses D7How will I tell him He'll G7#5just have to sell him.
I went to D/Aschool with a girl I remember her well She was G/Apretty smart - and pretty as hell Her folks had a Afarm But she wouldn't stay of course She wanted prince F#7/A#charming So she went to LBmA of course Managed to seF#7b9duce a Famous actor or producer Shacked up in a Bm9house in the hills With a cat and a juicer - and a F#7b9fancy car - and a tennis court. But the guyBm9 wasn't quite The catch she'd G#7b9thought she caught. He C#m9treats her like trash Then Byou know the drill Takes his Ecat and his cash And finds Asome younger girl So she's Eleft with a stupid corAvette And an Bempty swimming pool Which she G#7/B#fills with regretG#7 C#mSmart girl C#m/Bbut kinda Adumb...
And I'd F#m7rather be lonely Than F#7sit on my fanny BWaiting for my prince to B7come-
EOne day, G#7some day He'll come C#msweeping in And F#sweep me off my feet And F#mspend the next 4 decades EWanting to cheat on me F#9Getting less handsom And Bfighting his dragons.
He'd Cmknow what to wear He'd have a Bbfull head of hair And his Ebeyes would be brown Or blue. AbOr green. Well, I dont care. And his Ebbody would be toned with those AbPecks you get at the Bbsus4gym But he won't spend all of his time at the gym. And he'll Cmlove reading books, He'll be an Bbexcellent cook, He'll be good Eblooking but not to awaAbre of his looks. He'll be Ebtender but tough And Absmart but not smug And aBbttentive but not fawning And he'll smell good in the morning And he'll dCmance, -and like hiking and Bbbaking And biking I'm not Ebpicky I just ask that he Ablikes me And I like him and I'd Ebrather be alone If the Abonly other option Is to Bbsuccumb and settly down With some G7/Bcondescending clown With a great Cmrating from some Cm9/Bbdating service Some Cm6/Aself professing AbmMr. Perfect Another Cmnarcissistic Cm9/Bblegend Made a Cm6/Amillion out of Ab6hedge funds Another Cm7sexually Cm7/Bbineffectual Cm/ASelf-obsessing Abmmetrosexual Cm7Pseudo-intelG/Blectual Getting Cm/Bbdrunk and exiCm/Astential. AbEvery time the steelers lose a Ebgame Fm7 Bb7#5 Bb7 Thanks - but perhaps another day.
EbOne day, Gsome day My Cmprince may come But I Fwon't hold my breath There's Fmonly divorcees And Ebwierdos left And F9weird is fine But Ab/Bbnot all the time
EbOne day,Gsome day My Cm7prince will come So the F9fairytale said Fm30 years later it's Ebstill in my head That if F7I screw a frog I will Ab/Bbwake up in a four poster bed.Eb