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Tuning: E A D G B E
[Verse 1]
EOkay, Emaj7listen up, I'm not gonna E7lie Right E6/C#now, you couldn't frighten a Efly Or Emaj7scare a seagull off of a E7fry You E6/C#ever stop to ask yourselves "Ewhy?" Emaj7Both of you are super poE7lite E6/C#Middle class, suburban, and Ewhite Well, Emaj7all of that is finished toE7night Except for the E6/C#white part obviously
[Bridge]
F#mTake your places, I C#mwant scary faces, now gBo!

N.C.

Bigger, further, harder, not bad F#mSever a head, C#mpreferably someone you Bknow

N.C.

Look at me, I'm so scary F#mDon't be so vanilla, would a G#little anger kill ya? C'mAon, drop your panties, I'm C#mtrying to fill you With Dwisdom and skill and the instinct to kill B5Again, we do not want to kill anyone! Fine! B5But somehow, someway you gotta make 'em see ya' B5I'm talkin' jumpscares, the jerky Japanese ghost-walk, plus: B5Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, fun at parties B5Now THAT is cool! I wanna do that!
[Chorus]
WhatEever it takes to Esus4make 'em go crazy ERaising the stakes by punching a baby EScare 'em awake till they Esus4break They'll be quaking in AfrightB 'Cause Eyou've got some evil Esus4deep down inside you E/D#Put all the farmer's C#mmarkets behind you F#mYou've gotta G#mwork, gotta Ahaunt till it A/Bbhurts Through the Bnight And give those guys the fright of their ElivEmaj7es Yeah, E7yeah!E6/C#
[Verse 2]
ELet's start with things that you Emaj7hate Well, hate's a very strong E7word Perhaps when people are E6/C#late Or getting pooped on by Ebirds No, what fills you with Emaj7rage? Being mean to a E7pet Chefs who use too much E6/C#sage When they make beurre noiEsette Over-glutinous Emaj7food Or when kids call me E7"dude" Oh, I find that so E6/C#rude! Well, there's lots there to Euse
[Bridge]
F#mTake a deep breath and C#mgive me your best primal Bscream! Aaaah!

N.C.

Barbara, that was brilliant! Really? F#mTry it again, maybe C#mthis time pretend like you mean Bit!

N.C.

Aaah! That was even better! Thanks!
[Interlude]
AI want freedom But to get my C#mfreedom I need them To get a living Bperson to say my name F#mBetelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse? I know that beggars Acan't be choosers But do they have to C#mbe such losers? Both of them are C#m/Ddeathly dull and lame ABetelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse Why F#mGod, slash Satan, did you send these bed wetters? C#mEven, like, a tax attorney would've been better ESomebody with gravitas, somebody to fear whoB

N.C.

Excuse me, Mr. Betelgeuse, we can kind of hear you! Yeah?

N.C.

Well, that was a soliloquy so you're the one who's being rude.
[Chorus]
WhatEever it takes to Esus4make 'em go crazy ETurn all the lights on, dress like a baby EAdam, I don't even- Esus4No, get your heads in the DgameB

N.C.

Let's hide their phones Screw their F#phones! Ugh, these Adopes are both hopeless F#How will I ever surAmvive? UnBless they get the fright of their Elives
[Outro]
Yes yes, we're fEmaj7eelin' it, they're gonna fE7eel it, we're kE6/C#illin' it! They Bgotta get the fright of their Elives Emaj7We're scary, E7very, very, scary! They'll Dnever get the Afright of their Elives Yeah!E