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Tuning: E A D G B E
[ARCHIBALD] (Spoken)

N.C.

And now it's time for silly songs with Larry The part of the show Where Larry comes out and sings a silly son.
Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mister Lunt Who together, make up the infamous gang of scallywags: 'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'. [PA GRAPE, MISTER LUNT, LARRY]
We are the Cpirates who don't do Fanything We just Cstay at home and lay Garound And if you Cask us to do Fanything CWe'll just Gtell you...
[LARRY]
We don't do Canything
[PA GRAPE]
Well, I've Cnever been to Greenland And I've Fnever been to Denver And I've Cnever buried treasure in GSt. Louie or St. Paul And I've Cnever been to Moscow And I've Fnever been to Tampa And I've Cnever been toG Boston in theC fall
[PA GRAPE, MISTER LUNT, LARRY]
CWe're the pirates who don't do Fanything We just Cstay at home and lay Garound And if you Cask us to do Fanything WCe'll just Gtell you...
[MISTER LUNT] (Spoken)
We don't do Canything!
[MISTER LUNT]
And I've Cnever hoist the mainstay And I've Fnever swabbed the poop deck And I've Cnever veer to starboard 'Cause I Gnever sail at all And I've Cnever walked the gangplank And I've Fnever owned a parrot And I've Cnever been to GBoston in the Cfall
[PA GRAPE, MISTER LUNT, LARRY]
'Cause we're the Cpirates who don't do Fanything We just Cstay at home and lay Garound And if Cyou ask us to do Fanything WCe'll just Gtell you we don't do Canything
[LARRY]
WCell, I've never plucked a rooster And I'm Fnot too good at ping pong And I've Cnever thrown my mashed potatoes GUp against the wall And I've Cnever kissed a chipmunk And I've Fnever gotten head lice And I've Cnever been to GBoston in the Cfall
[PA GRAPE] (Spoken)

N.C.

Huh? What are you talking about? What does a rooster or mashed potatoes Have to do with being a pirate?
[MISTER LUNT] (Spoken)

N.C.

Hey, that's right We're supposed to sing about pirate-y things!
[PA GRAPE] (Spoken)

N.C.

And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?
[MISTER LUNT] (Spoken):

N.C.

I think you look like Cap'n Crunch.
[PA GRAPE] (Spoken)

N.C.

Huh? No I don't!
[MISTER LUNT] (Spoken)

N.C.

Do too!
[PA GRAPE] (Spoken)

N.C.

Do not!
[MISTER LUNT] (Spoken)

N.C.

You're making me hungry.
[PA GRAPE (Spoken)

N.C.

That's it, you're walking the plank!
[MISTER LUNT] (Spoken)

N.C.

Says who?
[PA GRAPE] (Spoken)

N.C.

Says the Cap'n, that's who!
[MISTER LUNT] (Spoken)

N.C.

Oh yeah? Aye, aye, Cap'n Crunch!
[PA GRAPE] (Spoken)

N.C.

Arrrgh!
[MISTER LUN] (Spoken)

N.C.

Yikes!
[LARRY]
And I've Cnever licked a spark plug And I've Fnever sniffed a stinkbug And I've Cnever painted daises On a Gbig red rubber ball And CI've never bathed in yogurt And I Fdon't look good in leggings
[PA GRAPE] (Spoken)

N.C.

You just don't get it.
[PA GRAPE, MISTER LUNT, LARRY]
And we've Cnever been to GBoston in the Cfall!