Lemon Demon - Haircut

^EmYou ought to get your hair cut, it's getting awfully hippy-like The ^A7barber closes soon, you better make it zippy ^DLike a cheetah sporting some ^CAdidas so you ^GRun from ^Chere to ^Dthere, ^Gas the ^Cwind blows ^Amthrough your ^Dhair ^CSuddenly you ^Cmaj7stop ^GPerhaps you like your ^Ammop Now we gotta ^Dknow, do you chop it ^Boff [go to 2.1] Or do you ^Emscoff and ^Glet it ^Agrow? [^B7go to 2.2]

^EmYou run into the store, and meet with Mr Barber As he s^A7tarts to cut your hair, the fellow seems to harbour An ^Dimproper eagerness to ^Cchop your ears off ^GSudden^Cly those ^Ddull, dull ^Gscissors ^Cjam in^Amto your ^Dskull The ^Cman says oopsie-^Cmaj7daisy Some^Gtimes my hands go ^Amcrazy Blood begins to ^Dspout Do you go to the hosp^Bital [go to 3.1] Or try to ^Empull the ^Gscissors ^Aout? [go^B7 to 3.2]

You ^Emstick it to the man that, don't cut your hair don't even shave For ^A7you are now a hippie! You find yourself a sign to wave And ^Dprotest fighting for the ^Coppressed people ^GAni^Cmals and ^Dtrees, ^Gbut the ^Csystem ^Amdisa^Dgrees! ^CViolence is ^Cmaj7transpiring ^GCops are open ^Amfiring Riots all a^Dround Do you run a^Bway [go to 3.3] Or do you ^Emstay and ^Ghold your ^Aground? [g^B7o to 3.4]

^EmYou run right out the door, and over to the hospital ^A7Into the waiting room, which looks just like a moshpit Full of ^Dbleeders flipping through a ^Creaders' digest ^GYou queue ^Cup in ^Dline, be^Ghind some ^Cguy who ^Ambroke his ^Dspine ^CLater in the ^Cmaj7story Your ^Gdoctor is Hugh ^AmLaurie Well you gotta ^Dlaugh Should he fix your ^Bhead [go to 4.1] Or should you ^Emget his ^Gautog^Araph? [go^B7 to 4.2]

^EmYou firmly yank the scissors, they're stuck no matter how you strain ^A7But now you're feeling tingly, it seems their pressence in your brain Re^Dleases your teleki^Cnesis powers ^GIf you ^Cso de^Dsire ^Gobjects ^Cfloat or ^Amcatch on ^Dfire ^CThis psychic po^Cmaj7tential ^GCould prove conse^Amquential Eh, well what the ^Dhell. Now you wonder ^Bshould You use your powers for ^Emgood [go to 4.3] Or ^Gfor ev^Ail? [go^B7 to 4.4]

^EmYou shriek and run away, like a little pansy ^A7And you move into the woods, to live like a chimpanzee Back to ^Dnature but you find you ^Chate your neighbours ^GMostly ^Cits the ^Dbears, ^Gcan't they ^Cmind their ^Amown aff^Dairs? ^CThey've got you su^Cmaj7rrounded ^GNow you're quite con^Amfounded What is this a^Dbout? Do you try to ^Bfight [go to 4.5] Or just pol^Emitely ^Gtalk things ^Aout? [g^B7o to 4.6]

^EmYou make it through the riots, the public wants your story told ^A7So you write a book, the sales come in low and behold It's ^Dcaught on earning you a ^Cspot on Oprah ^GShe just ^Csmiles and ^Dwinks. ^GLooks like ^Cshe's had ^Amseveral ^Ddrinks... ^CHalf way through the ^Cmaj7show ^GOprah lets you ^Amknow She must have you ^Dnow Do you slap her in the ^Bface [go to 4.7] Or do you ^Embow chicka^Gchicka wow ^Awow? [go ^B7to 4.8]

^EmHugh Laurie starts to scream, "^A7we have to operate!" He ^Dcalls upon his team, there's ^Cno time to sedate ^GWith ^Chis ^Amchar^Cming ^Dsmirk, ^Ghe ^Cbeg^Amins ^Gto ^Amgo ^Cto ^Dwork But there's ^Cone forgotten ^Cmaj7factor: Hugh ^GLaurie's just an a^Amctor Turns out he's ^Dinsane Thanks to him you're ^Bdead He opened up your ^Emhead and ^Gthen he ^Asusran off ^Cmaj7with your ^Gbrain Yeah?!

^Em"Would you be so kind?" You ^A7timidly request "^DIf you wouldn't mind to ^Cautograph your breast." ^GLau^Crie ^Amsigns ^Cwith ^Dgrace, ^Gthen ^Che ^Amdraws ^Ga ^Amhap^Cpy ^Dface ^CQuickly with no d^Cmaj7elay ^GYou put it up on e^Ambay But to no su^Dccess Your auction gets r^Bemoved Ebay says that ^Emyou viola^Gted their te^Asusrms of se^Cmaj7rvice ^G Oh no.

^EmYou spend all your time, ^A7even Friday nights ^DBeating up on crime, ^Cwearing spandex tights Now ^Geve^Cry^Amone's ^Ca ^Dfan, ^Gof ^Cthe ^Ampsyc^Ghic ^Amscis^Csor ^Dman ^CNow you're making ^Cmaj7millions De^Gfeating super^Amvillains But beneath the ^Dfame And beneath the ^Bcape There is no ^Emescaping ^Gfrom your ^Asusse - ^Cmaj7cret ^Gshame Shame

^EmQuickly you embark, ^A7on a trail of hate ^DCreeping in the dark, ^Ctwisting mankind's fate Now the ^Gwhole ^Cworld's ^Amin ^Cyour ^Dpalms ^GAc^Cti^Amvate ^Gthe ^Amato^Cm ^Dbombs ^CSeveral seconds ^Cmaj7after ^GYou erupt in ^Amlaughter, quite maniacal^Dly Ha haha ha^Bha ha haha ha^Emha ha ^Gha ha ^Asusha ha ^Cmaj7ha hee ^Ghee

^EmYou're prepared to fight. ^A7The wretched beasts attack They ^Dbear their teeth and bite, ^Cbut you bite them back ^GSoon ^Cyou've ^Amkilled ^Cthem ^Dall. ^GAll ^Cbut ^Amone ^Gwho's ^Ammuch ^Ctoo ^Dsmall And ^Csince you're not a ^Cmaj7brute And ^Gsince that cub's so ^Amcute You adopt him as a ^Dson Then that bear and ^Byou Realise a ^Emnew ad^Gventure's ^Asusjust ^Cmaj7begun ^G Yeah!

^EmSo you ask them why we ^A7can't just get along ^DAnd the bears reply "^CYou've got us all wrong" "^GWe ^Ccome ^Amfrom ^Cup ^Dthere! ^GFrom ^Ca ^Amplace ^Gcalled ^AmPla^Cnet ^DBear" ^COn their ship they ^Cmaj7take you ^GTo their home and ^Ammake you King of all the ^Dbears And that seals the ^Bdeal, proving God is ^Emreal And ^Gthat he ^Asuslistened ^Cmaj7to your ^Gprayer Amen

^EmYou slap Oprah's face, ^A7at once her loyal staff ^DStart spraying you with Mace And ^COprah starts to laugh ^GAs ^Cthe ^Amaud^Cie^Dnce ^GOv^Cer^Amtakes ^Gyou ^Amin ^Cde^Dfence ^COf their lovely ^Cmaj7hostess ^GNow your ass is ^Amtoast yes Sorry my dear ^Dfriend Guess you're gonna ^Bdie You better say good^Embye be^Gcause this ^Asusis t^Cmaj7he end^G You suck

^EmYou and Oprah kiss, the ^A7audience goes wild ^DVoyeuristic bliss, ^Csuddenly you're piled ^GOn ^Cthe ^Amstu^Cdio ^Dfloor ^GNow ^Cit ^Amstarts ^Gto ^Amget ^Chard^Dcore ^COn live tele^Cmaj7vision ^GPassionate col^Amlision Evidential ^Dlove, genuine ro^Bmance Maybe there's a ^Emchance that ^Gyou and ^AsusOprah ^Cmaj7are in ^Glove