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Stunned to find not a single Jake Thackray ballad here. If you've not heard any of Jake's work then I strongly suggest you check him out on Youtube and read his bio at www.jakethackray.com A true wordsmith in idiosyncratic English humour. The Lodger – Jake Thackray
AmMy landlady had three lovely Edaughters. They usEed to come and make my bed each Amday They Amused to come and clean my living Equarters, But their Emother made quite sure they didn't Amstay. There was FMary: she seemed chary; There was CHelen: she seemed well and truly Esceptical about my qualiAmties; There was FJulie: she was truly well-Cproportioned, but her Caution Brought Eexhaustion on my aching Amarteries.
But I was Amwrong: they weren't at all imEpervious To the Epossibilities of high romAmance - And I Amsensed a certain girlish Enerviness In the Eway they folded my pyjama Ampants. And I was Fright, for late one night Sweet little CMary, like a fairy, As I lay Esleeping, came a-creeping to my Amside. She was Fmine: it was divine - but we were Cdoomed, for very soon Into the Eroom came sister Helen, and she Amcried:
&qAuot;Mary, gDo to bEed!"A Off Mary went. "ANow, young man,&quDot; HelEen said, "Afor your punishment, &qAuot;We mustn't haDve a fightE, we mustn't maAke a row: &qAuot;Turn offD the ligEht - it's my Amturn now!"
Well, Amafter all, I'm young and relatively Evigorous, And Ethough I still protest my Aminnocence, By Amtemperament I'm strictly un-poElygamous, And if I Esinned, I sinned in self-Amdefence. NevertheFless I must confess I wouldn'tC miss that sort of Ebliss And when it ended I was rendered Amcomatose. When, Floud and clear, very near, in my Cear a loud voice spoke And EI was awoken from my post-Amcoital doze.
&qAuot;Helen, gDo to bEed!" HeAlen went away. "ANow, young man,&quDot; JuliEe said, "yoAu will have to pay! A"You've bligDhted Helen'Es charms, filchedA her purity. A"OpeDn up youEr arms - comeAm and filch me!"
I was Amamazed, and really rather Etired; I Ethought I'd given all that I could Amgive. A liAmttle kip was all that I desEired, But I'm EBritish, so my upper lip was Amstiff. She was Fchaotic, idiotic, quite Cexotic and ecstatic, AcroEbatic and emphatically Amfine. All to Fno good, for when I could open my Ceyes, to my surprise I Efound her mother looking into Ammine.
&qAuot;Julie, gDo to bEed!" JulieA left the scene. "A;Now listen, MaD," IE said, "AI know the old routine. A"I'll do whatD you like, buEt I shalAl be vexed "And AI'll bloody well gDo on strikEe if GrandAmma's next!"
Listen to the recording on youtube it's a nice simple tune and fun to play for friends. This is my first attempt so any comments or corrections welcome. cheers BigMick