^G I’m gonna grab myself an industry insider mask and blag my way ^Cinto th^De aft^Gershow.

I wanna get in amongst the baying hordes of resting actors Who’ve just got back from visiting Nairobi slums for Comic Relief And now they’re gonna spend the next six weeks sitting in the vestibule Waiting for the Farmfoods phone call. The Farmfoods phone call. I’m gonna be apprehended by some mandatory galoot with a handheld camera Who’ll point it in my face and say: “Who are you, and what do you do?” And I’ll say “I’m a counterblast to Agnosticism – how do you do” And he’ll go away immediately. I wanna meet Howard Marks if I can but they say that I can’t I need four different wristbands.

^DFollow me oh ^Cfollow, ^Ddown to the ^Chollow, and ^Dthere we will ^Cwallow. ^G There’s a Britpop refugee, walking up to me and his face is hollow from seasons of disappointment

And he starts blathering on about his latest project Already being dismissed by the most unlikeliest of cable stations: It’s a dot com sit com, about a hip hop chip shop.

^CChatto and Windus ^Dsitting in a tree ^Cd-i-s-s-^Di-n-g ^CKeith Allen’s auto^Dbiography. ^G I’m just trying to break the drudgery of the downstairs maid

I’m just trying to write the sort of tune you could maybe hum While waiting for your lover on a railway platform. I wanna meet Howard Marks if I can but they say that I can’t.

^DFollow me oh ^Cfollow, ^Ddown to the ^Chollow, and ^Dthere we will ^Cwallow. ^G I want to perch myself halfway up a metal staircase with the Polydor Girls and talk about meerkats

And come out with statements like “Well of course music these days is the slave of mammon and as a result it has become corrupt and shallow Its real essence is industry; its moral purpose is the acquisition of money; Its aesthetic pretext is the entertainment of those who are bored. So yes, we’re really excited about going back into the studio Hotly tipped, highly anticipated and slated… for release”. I wanna meet Howard Marks if I can but they say that I can’t He’s talking to Ian Broudie. (N.C.) And come four o’clock if I’m still on my feet

There’s a bloke over there who said I could meet………?^G??….. Ken Livingstone.

Well I’m just a primitive creature of the heath so excuse my savage ignorance But if I’m still on my feet at four o’clock I’ll be stealing the lead off the roof.

^DFollow me oh ^Cfollow, ^Ddown to the ^Chollow, and ^Dthere we will ^Cwallow. ^GStealing the ^Clead off the ^Droof, ^Gstealing the ^Clead off the ^Droof ^GStealing the ^Clead off the ^Droof, ^Gstealing the ^Clead off the ^Droof. Come ^Gsaddle my ^Cmilk white ^Dsteed, I’v^Ge seen muc^Ch more than ^DI need And I ^Gknow that you ^Cwon’t heed th^De call, so ^GI sprayed i^Ct onto th^De wall.

^GThy dam^Cnation ^Dslumbereth not, ^Gthy dam^Cnation ^Dslumbereth not G C D G C D G C D (x3) G Thy damnation slumbereth not, thy damnation slumbereth not.

Half Man Half Biscuit - Thy damnation slumbereth not