Garfunkel and Oates - Frozen lullaby

When a ^Cman doesn’t love a woman ^G7very very much He ^G7signs away his paternal rights and ^Cjizzes in a cup Then with ^Clots of money and ^G7scientific genius ^G7Hormones, pain and of ^Ccourse, um... Jesus

The ^Cprocess begins the way god intended ^AmWith a transvaginal ultrasound With a ^Fwand longer than a ukulele When it ^Gcomes out of my body, it makes this sound (pop)

I ^Cgive myself daily intradermal injections ^AmAn acute blood thinner and estrogen concurrence ^FCryopreservation through hormonal activation And ^Gnone of it’s covered by insurance

Then I’m knocked ^Amout and you’re re^Gmoved And com^Cbined with a stranger’s ^Fcome And as the ^Fsaying goes You win some, you ^Glose some

And ^Cthen you’re frozen until I’m certain It’s ^Amtime to unthaw you into a person ^FThen you’ll expire or you’ll make the grade And ^Gthat, my darling, that’s how babies are ^Cmade (It’s so^Am easy ^F a^Gnd natura^Cl) ^{Am F G}

^CHush little egg ^Ambaby don’t say a word ^FMama’s gonna freeze you til^G she gets^C rich ^{Am F G} And ^Cwhen that day ^Amfinally arrives ^FYou’ll be constructed i^Gn a petri dish With ^Dsperm donor 8w6-3 The ^Gsilent partner of our family

So ^Chush little egg baby ^Amdon’t be sad ^FJust because I ^Gnever fucked your dad^{C Am F G}

I ^Cknow there are orphans everywhere But I’m ^Amgoing to pretend that isn’t real Don’t ^Flook at me like that just cause I admit it ^GYou had kids and you knew the deal ^CYeah I feel guilty about overpopulation And ^Amruining the environment for forever But O^Fsama Bin Laden had 20 kids So^G fuck you or whatever

Sadly procre^Amation is not a meri^Gtocracy And we need to ^Cprevent a real life ^FIdiocracy Though it ^Fmay be the ultimate form of narcissism It’s ^Galso a way to re-reverse reverse Darwinism

I ^Cwant all the stuff I don’t need a bucket list It ^Amdoesn’t make me greedy it just makes me feminist ^FNow I’m thinking back through all the guys I’ve dated ^GIf they heard this song they’d fucking hate ^Cit (It’s so^Am easy ^F a^Gnd natura^Cl) ^{Am F G}

^CHush little egg ba^Amby don’t you cry ^FYou’ll have the best gene^Gs mommy can ^Cbuy ^{Am F G} I ^Cdon't want to ^Amwait till I get in dire straights My ^Ffriends say if I want kids I should^G go out on some dates But these ^Dworking bitches don't have time to leave it to the fates The ^Gworld deserves more Riki's and the world deserves more Kate's

So ^Chush little egg baby ^Amdads are overrated He ^Fdid what mattered ^Gwhen he masturb^Cated ^{Am F G}

^CHush little egg baby ^G7just hold firm ^G7Mama’s gonna buy you de^Csigner sperm And ^Cif that sperm gives you ^G7random traits ^G7Mama’s gonna test your ^Cdna And ^Cif your dna doesn’t ^G7make things clear ^G7Mama’s gonna just have to ^Clive in fear ^CAnd if that fear turns ^G7into guilt ^G7Mama’s gonna hold onto ^Cwhat we built And if I ^Chold too tight as to ^G7suffocate I’ll ^G7buy you lots of things to over^Ccompensate And ^Cif that overcompensation’s ^G7too transparent I’ll pret^G7end it’s somehow better with ^Cno male parent And ^Cif you say but mom ^G7who’s my dad ^G7I’ll say I don’t know and it’s ^Cjust too bad And ^Cif that badness forms a ^G7hole in your heart I’ll ^G7want to make it up to you but ^Cwon’t know where to start I’ll ^Cprobably start by saying it’s ^G7just you and me And there’s ^G7no such thing as a ^Cnormal family So ^Cfuck being normal and let’s ^G7do this shit ^G7Momma’s gonna freeze you til she... gets.... ^Crich