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Tuning: E A D G B E
[Intro]

N.C.

Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology! The White Zone is for loading and unloading only!
[Chorus 1]
DF#mon't you be tarot-fied It's just a token of Emy extreme Don't you be F#mtarot-fied It's just a token of Emy extreme Don't you never try to F#mlook behind my eyes You don't wanna know what Ethey have seen Don't you never try to F#mlook behind my eyes You don't wanna know what Ethey have seen
[Verse 1]
ASome people G#think That if they Ggo too F#mfar AThey'll never get G#back To where the Grest of them F#mare AI might be G#crazy But there's Gone thing I F#mknow AYou Gmight F#mbe suDrprAised EAt what you find out when ya go!
[Verse 2]
Oh, oh, oh, F#mMystical Advisor What is my problem, tell me, Ecan you see? Well, you have F#mnothing to fear, my son! You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, Eit appears to me! That all seems F#mvery, very strange I never craved a toaster or a Ecolor T.V
A Latent Appliance Fetishist
Is a F#mperson who refuses to admit to his or herself That sexual gratification can only be Eachieved through the use of machines!

N.C.

Get the picture?
[Verse 3]
AAre you telling G#me GI should come out of the closet F#mnow, Mr. Ron?
No, my son!
AYou must go into The G#Closet! What? And Gyou will have
Eh?
Hey! F#mA lot of fun! AThat's where they G#all live So if you Gwant an appliance to love you You'll have to go in there and F#mget you one Well, tAhat Gseems F#msimpDle eAnough!
AYes, but if you want a really good one You'll have to learn a foreign language! EGerman, for instance? EThat's right EA lot of really cute ones come from over there!

N.C.

Fifty bucks, please!
[Chorus 2]
If you've been F#mmodified It's an illusion, and you're Ein between Don't you be F#mtarot-fied It's just a lot of nothin' so what cEan it mean? If you've been F#mmodified It's an illusion, and you're Ein between Don't you be F#mtarot-fied It's just a lot of nothin' so what Ecan it mean? If you've beenF#m modified It'sE an illusion, and you're in between
(FADE OUT) [Outro]

N.C.

This is the Central Scrutinizer...

N.C.

Joe has just learned to speak German

N.C.

Now, get this, here's why he did it!

N.C.

He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town

N.C.

It's called The Closet...

N.C.

And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy

N.C.

Dressed up like a housewife who can speak German

N.C.

(you know what I mean) ...so Joe's learned how to speak German

N.C.

He goes in this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries

N.C.

Dancing around with each other, and he sees this one...

N.C.

That looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner

N.C.

And a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body...

N.C.

It's really exciting... and when he sees it, he bursts into song...