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NUMBERS Recorded by Bobby Bare Written by Shel Silverstein
IG was sittin' here Friday suppin' on a glass ofD wine When in walked a chick who almost struck meG blind She had wet blue eyes and her legs were long aCnd fine On a Dscale of ONE to TEN (pause) I'd give her aG NINE.
GNow on my scale there ain't no TEN's,D you know NINE is about as far as any chick cGan go So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look aCt me So for bDrains and good judgement, give her Ga THREE.
I saiGd, hey sweet thing, you look like a possiblDe EIGHT You and me could, uh! make EIGHTEEN, if your head's onG straight She looked up and down my perfecCt frame And saidD these words that burned into my perfecGt brain.
She said,G well, another one of those macho TexaDs men Tryin' to grade all women on scales of ONE Gto TEN And, uh!, you give me an EIGHT, well, that's a generous thing Cto do Now, lDet's just see, just how much I giGve you.
(CHANGE TO KEY OF A)
SheA said you comin' on to me with that phony NUMBERS Ejive Your style makes me smile, I give it aA FIVE When you walked up I noticed that suit of (Dyores) It's Elast year's double knit-french cuffs, give it aA FOUR.
ThatA must be your car parked out on the Ecurb That 'SIXTY-NINE homemade convertible, A THREE and AA THIRD I saw that build, I guess (yore) less thaDn FIVE Said,E for your pot belly, I'd give that a TEN fAor size.
ThatA wine you're pourin' might be fine toE you But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it Aa TWO It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile iDs worth I giveE it a SIX, you could use some dentalA work.
But, AIt's your struttin' rooster act that really makes mEe laugh It may be a TEN to these country hens, but to me a THREE and AA HALF And there really ain't much to add once the subtractinD's done And Esince there ain't no ZEROes, I give you aA ONE.
She waAlked out, while up and down thEe line The whole bar was laughin', sayin' BARE, what happened to yoAur NINE NINE says I, hell soon as she started to talk ID knew She Edidn't have no class, I barely gave her aA TWO.
(TALK) Yeah! No matter how good they look at first There's flaws in all of them That's why on a scale of TEN to ONE, friend There ain't no TEN.