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Tuning: E A D G B E
[Verse 1]
ETonight at tAen The world's ending aC#mgain And we know why and wBhen So you better wEatch We got a bAit With some feminist cC#mhick And also a piBcture Of a Scarlet's crEotch Two people dAied A double homiC#mcide Their bodies found insBide Of a wishing wEell And we tackle the flAaws In these obesity lC#maws In this segment that's spBonsored By Taco BEell
[Bridge 1]
We've got viAolence, Danger, sC#mex, and drugs And it's aBwesome 'Cause all of it's rEeal We do the iAllusion of news And while yC#mou think You're choosing the vBiews (No Chord) That you feel
[Chorus]
AAll of this and more and live, Bonly on the Channel Five ENews, C#mews, eG#mws, G#mOnly on the Channel Five (Repeat chorus starting from "Only" three more times)
(Spoken: "We've got Chip Walker, live at the scene, with breaking news! Chip, are you there?") [Verse 2]
EChip Walker heAre Am I coming in clC#mear? I'm standing nBear To the scene of the crEime This Iraqi guy's shAop Seemed a newsworthy sC#mpot So we've been gathering shBots here For quite some tEime Today real fAast The owner's daughter pC#massed We grabbed a shot of her Bass While the owner was nEear Then he struck my cheAst And now he's under arC#mrest And now you people have Bone less Man to fEear
[Bridge 2]
This family's aAngry, crying, C#mSad, and lost And it's aBwesome 'Cause all of it's rEeal We do the iAllusion of news And while yC#mou think You're choosing the vBiews (No Chord) That you feel
[Chorus]
AAll of this and more and live, Bonly on the Channel Five ENews, C#mews, eG#mws, G#mOnly on the Channel Five (Repeat chorus starting from "Only" three more times)
(Spoken: "We now go to Max Stevens, with the weather for the weekend. What are we looking at here, Max: umbrellas or picnic baskets?...Max?...Max!?" (Continue playing the E, C#m, G#m, G#m while saying: "We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by.") (Spoken: "Alright, we got a signal. Cut to Max.") [Verse 3]
Good evening, hEi It's your weather C#mguy I advise you to D#buy Another lightning rGmod We didn't cEatch This impending disC#master Maybe it's nD#atural Maybe it's GGmod The sliding mEud The incoming flC#mood Will never wash the blD#ood From my greedy old hGmands! This job was fEun I had a pretty good rC#mun But I've never been oD#ne To give into demGmands
[Bridge 3]
People are Eangry, crying, C#mSad, and lost And it's aD#wful 'Cause all of it's rGmeal We do the iEllusion of news And while yC#mou think You're choosing the vD#iews
That you feel
D#All of this and more all live D#Only on the Channel Five, D#Only on the Channel Five D#On-on-on-WE'RE BACK!
[Chorus starting at "News"] (Continue playing the E, C#m, G#m, G#m while saying: "Bla, bla, bla" and begin to fade out. Or just stop on a E with one last "Only on the Channel Five news", that's what I usually do!)