Bloodhound Gang - A lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

^DI was lonelier than Kunta ^AKinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night ^DI strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. ^GIt had been a While. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had ^Dcome and went since that

^GI had picked up this Hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy ^DDuke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that ^Anight I lost myself To ruby red lips, milky white skin and^D baby blue eyes.

Yes a ^Dlap dance is so much b^Aetter when the stripper is cryin'^D Yes a ^Glap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'^D Well I ^Gfind it's quite a thrill When she ^Dgrinds me against her will Yes a ^Alap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'^D

^DWell, faster than you can ^Asay, "shallow grave", this pretty little ^Dthing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. ^G Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', ^D 'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well she smiled, ^G Had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would ^D wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. ^A And Then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. ^D 'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

^DSo, Bambi's goin' on about how she can ^Amake all my fantasies come true.^D So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jack^Ghammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resem^Dbling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on

"Well,^G ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town i^Df you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh^A. That rhymes. I have to admit it was even more of a ^Dturn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby Formula.

^DDay or so had passed when I ^Apopped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on ^Dinto The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. There I ^Gwas browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the ^Dback of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped. ^GSo, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can ^Dnot imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the One-eyed ^Agopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing chil^Ddren could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?