Amanda Palmer - Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help your black ass

^GWhen I was six years old ^Dmmy sister Alyson ^Fasked for a stove for her^C birthday A ^Gminiature one you could ^Dmactually cook with and ^Fmy mom was nice and she ^Cbought one

^GAlyson needed a re^Dmason to bake something ^Fbarged in my room and she ^Cgrabbed me, she said ^GI made a cake and we're ^Dmgoing next door to Sam ^FWeinstein's and you're getting ^Cmarried

^GThe cake was burned it ^Dmtasted gross she ^Fmade me kiss him ^Con the mouth

^GNow I am 33 ^Dmunmarried happily ^Fno plans in life and I'm ^Cplanning to keep it that ^Gway I do kissing with ^Dmonly one mission ^FDo you like to kiss then you ^Chave my permission

And ^GI have already ^Dmspent too much time ^Fdoing things I didn't ^Cwant to So if I ^Gjust want to make ^Dmout all the time you can ^Fbet your black ass that I'm ^Cgoing to

^GWhen I was nine I was ^Dmkind of a loser ^Fthe kids in my class didn't ^Clike me ^GMelanie Chow was the ^Dmmeanest of all and my ^Fmom made me go to her ^Cparty

^GNobody talked to me ^DmI sat there quietly ^Fdrawing with crayons on a ^Cnapkin a ^Gpicture of Melanie ^Dmskewered with a pitchfork her ^Flegs getting eaten by ^Clions

^GThe cake was good ^DmI took some home I ^Fhad a party ^Cin my room

^GNow I have friends and I'm ^Dmnot such a loser but ^FI go to bars all the ^Ctime and I sit there and ^Gorder red wine and I ^Dmwrite and I like being a^Flone around people yes ^Cthat's how I like it

^GAnd I've already ^Dmspent too much time ^Fdoing things I didn't ^Cwant to So if ^GI wanna sit here and ^Dmwrite and drink wine you can ^Fbet your black ass that I'm ^Cgoing to

^GYes I come here ^Dmoften ^FSure I'll have a^Cnother one ^GYes I come here ^Dmoften ^FSure I'll have a^Cnother one

^GWhen I was 17 ^DmI was a blowjob queen ^Fpicking up tips from the ^Cmasters ^GI was so busy per^Dmfecting my art I was ^Fclueless to what they were ^Cafter

Now ^GI'm still a blowjob queen (^Dmfar more selectively) ^FI don't make love now to ^Cmake people love me ^Gbut I don't mind sharing my ^Dmgift with the planet ^FWe're all gonna die and a ^Cblowjob's fantastic

^GWhen I was 25 ^DmI was a rock star but ^Fit didn't pay too well ^CI had to strip on the ^Gside of the road to get ^Dmready for shows and the ^Fcars driving by baby ^Cthey'd never know

what a ^Gbargain they'd gotten and ^Dmif I'm forgotten ^FI'm perfectly happy with ^Call that has happened and ^GI still get laughed at but ^Dmit doesn't bother me ^FI'm just so glad to hear ^Claughter around me

And ^GI've already ^Dmspent too much time ^Fdoing things I didn't ^Cwant to

So if ^GI want to drink alone ^Dmdressed like a pirate or ^Flook like a dyke or wear ^Chigh heels and lipstick or ^Ghide in a convent or ^Dmtry to be mayor or ^Fmarry a writer smoke ^Ccrack and slash tires make ^Gjokes you don't like or paint ^Dmducks and retire YOU CAN ^FBET YOUR BLACK ASS THAT I'M ^CGOING TO